This is my journey to Salvation in Jesus Christ.
It was always very easy for me to believe in God. My parents are both strong Christians and I was brought up in the Church when I was younger. I remember going to All Nations Church in Cardiff and then to Bethel Baptist in Pontyclun when we moved to Talbot Green.
I believed in God but saw no need to go any further than just knowing about Him. I found Church very boring and it was a chore to go on Sunday mornings. I also felt very unwelcome at Church. Admittedly I was a little bit troublesome at times, I remember letting off a fire extinguisher upstairs in Bethel once! But it was like nobody really made an effort to meet me where I was at. Having said that, I think Bethel is a wonderful Church nowadays and probably was then as well, it just didn't work out for me at the time. But as you will find out God isn't pertubed as He knows the ending to every story!
When I was about thirteen my parents let me and my brother choose whether to go or not. We both chose not too because of the above and I didn't come back for a long time. I am thankful my parents let me walk away, like the Prodigal Son, because if they had forced me to go it may have turned me off even more.
My teenage years were very unhappy. I wasn't a cool kid at school, I wanted a girlfriend but nobody seemed to want me. My best friends picked on me and made me feel as if I was nothing and below then.
These were very sad times and I remember crying myself to sleep some nights. I felt that nobody loved me (wasn't true), nobody understood me, that I was a failure & might as well just die. I was good at hiding my feelings, still am, so people may not have seen this on the outside.
Occassionally, if I was in a really bad situation, I would pray a desperation prayer to God...usually beginning with 'If you are really there..'. The strange thing is that I can only remember Him spectacularly answering these prayers! I remember seeing a sports match with someone dear to me partaking. They were losing this big game by a big margin and they were crying. I prayed that they would win and they actually came back to win! I am now amazed I didn't get it that God was someone I should take more of an interest in!
When I was seventeen, in my second year of sixth form, I began to encounter God walking home from school. He was speaking to me and it freaked me out. I began fighting Him, asking Him questions, 'If you are real then what about this?'
Around about this time I went to a party in aid of my cousin's missionary work and met some local Christians. My Dad noticed this and encouraged me to go to their youth group. I resisted at first because it was on a sunday night and there was a TV programme I really loved that was on that night. I am not very good at resisting though and I gave in one week. I was made to feel so welcome and enjoyed it so kept going.
I also remember picking up my youth Bible at this time and opening it randomly. The amazing thing was it went to the exact page that answered my doubts & questions every time! I was so stunned! I kept testing it and it kept happening. What I was learning at this youth group was also really interesting to me.
For Christmas that year, I received an autobiography by the WWE Wrestler Shawn Michaels. He spoke of how Jesus changed His life after he accepted Him into his life. His broken back was actually healed by God, he gave up drink & drugs and got a great family going. He spoke at the end of how life was so good now and I thought to myself 'I want that life'. I didn't know how to get it but I wanted it!!
In January of 2006 I met up with an old friend. This was one of my school friends whom I wasn't on the best of terms with, but had written too asking for forgiveness and giving mine to him (that also happened around about this time and I believe it was the influence of God). We went to a local pub to watch a football game and I got terribly drunk. This wasn't the first time I had done this but it was the first time I had to miss school with a hangover and maybe the first time my parents saw me in such a state. I spent the next day feeling awful in bed. But in my thoughts I asked myself 'Am I really a Christian?'. I believe God was convicting me of my sin and showing me that there was stuff I needed to do to be right with Him. I realised I wasn't and decided I wanted to become a Christian. I didn't know how but I would work it out.
My opportunity wasn't long coming. Our sunday night youth group went to an event run by Ignite, a Christian youth outreach in Cardiff, where they have a speaker and crazy worship. The speaker offered to chance to go and be prayed for if you wanted to become a Christian. I knew it was my chance, I remember it was like my stomach was on fire...I had to do it...but I was always very shy and getting up in front of a crowd wasn't my idea of something I would like to do! Thankfully, I did it and straight away I felt the Holy Spirit seep through me and I felt different that night, I felt goood! I will never forget the date, 5th February 2006 :)
I made a schoolboy error that night at Ignite. They got me to fill in a form so they could keep in touch with me, I put my Church as Ebenezer Church because that is where my parents were going. That meant the pastor got a letter about what I had done. He told my parents and my Mum asked me about it. I was mortified and didn't feel ready for that step. I went out for a walk and walked to my local park. I literally went on my knees and started crying my eyes out, I asked God 'Why?' and thought about all the bad things that had happened in my life. The great thing was that, as I cried, the pain & anger I had built up over the years went away. I always used to say to myself that if I ever got in a fight, I would kill someone because of the pent up emotion inside of me. It was so amazing for it to be gone :)
2006 was an incredible year. I grew closer to the friends I had made in the youth group and had an amazing summer with them. I also got great results in my A Levels, passed my driving test and began working for the firm I work for today. Life was good and I knew who to thank for it. One of the first things I prayed for was confidence and God blessed me so much.
2007 was much tougher for me, I got into a relationship that ended badly and it had a huge effect on me. I lost confidence in myself and felt very upset about it for sometime. Thankfully, none of my friends could be there for me because either they had problems of their own or couldn't take sides as the girl was friends with them too. I say thankfully because it meant I had to rely so much on God to get me through it. My relationship with Him grew so much stronger during this period of my life.
I also got to know an amazing friend of mine who was going through a similar thing and we are still close friends today. We met through what I could only call a complete God-incidence with my youth leader randomly being asked to stay with someone she knew and spoke at their Church. He spoke about his trip to Africa, she wanted to go there and she asked him to keep her in touch with future trips. He did and we ended up on the same trip!
These days I have a lot of things going on, University (earning my qualifications with my employers support), Work, youthwork with Pontypridd Christian Youth & my Church youth group at Ebenezer Church (who have been an amazing support and encouragement for me since I started going there after I became a Christian). I have seen God move so much in others and in my life and whilst life isn't easy, I know that what I am doing is worth it and the joy I have now is so great that my old life completely pales to nothingness. My worst day now is better than my best day before. I usually always feel really guilty after our summer Camp about my not good enough relationship with God. This year I didn't feel guilty, I am not there yet for sure but it was good to feel like I was making some progress and I do feel as if God is one of my best friends and I know His Presence so much. I have seen almost unbelievable things happen through prayer and through being in His Presence.
If life is this good I genuinely cannot wait until Heaven!
I pray that you will experience what I have experienced, that you will know the forgiveness, & love of God through Jesus Christ and that you will be partying with me in Heaven someday :)
God Bless you and Merry Christmas to you all.
